Chapter 6: Off to the Y

(Ha,Ha, I liked Melissa's comment, I guess I did end up being "the player"... whoops.)


The summer ended too soon. Trevor headed down to BYU and I was busy in my last year of nursing school.

The day Trev left for Provo I was so very sad.
With all those pretty girls... schoolwork... girls with freshly baked cookies... classes... cute girls... I figured it was over. But surprisingly Trevor called me every single night and we talked for hours. He had only been in Provo for a few days when he called me and asked me to meet him in Salt Lake City. We walked around the mall and temple square. Trevor had always been clear about his intentions, one night he said to me "Kathryn, I love you. I'd ask you to marry me right now if I didn't think you'd say no."
Tonight we stood in front of the temple and Trevor kissed me and said, "I've decided on the Salt Lake Temple." He smiled and I smiled... I knew that I loved him.


The time was quickly approaching for M (the missionary) to come home. I was so nervous. I didn't know what to think anymore. I knew I loved Trevor but I also knew that for a long time I had loved M and even though it had been 2 years and those feelings were a bit foggy I felt strongly that I needed to spend some time with him just to be sure. I prayed and prayed and prayed.
I knew what I had to do and I knew that Trevor wasn't going to like it... so I prayed for help and the next day when Trevor picked me up for our date he turned to me and said, "I was talking to my dad last night about this whole situation and my dad said, 'It sounds like you know what you want but Kathryn doesn't know yet what is right for her. If you love her you will do whatever you can to help her make her choice." He then told me that if I needed some time to spend with just M to help me make my decision he would support me with that.

It was an answer to my prayers... that is what I needed to do and I knew it and now having Trevor's support meant everything to me.

Two weeks... I would date M and not see Trevor for 2 weeks.

So M got home and we dated. I told him about Trevor almost immediately (the day after he got home). You should have seen his face, it broke my heart. He was shocked and I think he felt betrayed. I felt terrible to drop all of this on him so quickly but I had to be truthful with him and my feeling for Trevor were very real.

We went out every night and it felt nice to have my friend back but if he tried to get close to me or show any affection I was very uncomfortable and a funny thing happened... around 9:30 or 10pm I became very tired (like couldn't keep my eyes opened tired) and felt like I needed to get home and get some sleep.
After M dropped me off I would walk in the house and unconsciously grab the phone on the way down to my room and dial Trevor's number... I would lay on my bed and Trevor and I would talk until 1 or 2 in the morning... every single night.
Hmmmmm

Chapter 5: giving "us" a chance

So, I was going to give "us" a chance.

I knew I cared about Trevor and I definitely felt he deserved a chance but, I had just recently (about 4 months previous) broken up with a guy I really cared about because he wanted to get married and I still felt too strongly about the missionary to marry someone else. We decided to part our ways, at least for the time being... It was so painful and I was worried that I was headed down the same path.

Meanwhile I was still writing the missionary (I'm getting really tired of typing "the missionary" so he will be henceforth reffed to as "M") and talking with his parents about the plans for his homecoming. I felt so guilty since I had grown to love his family and here I was kissing some other guy and then talking to them like I was just waiting for M to get home so we could resume our relationship. But... I couldn't help myself.

Trevor and I had so much fun together, he made me laugh so hard. I remember one night every time he saw a phone (any phone, anywhere) he would pick it up and pretend like he was talking to his mom. He would say something like "Mom, code red, come and get me, this is serious mom! 1040". I was laughing my head off, where does he come up with this stuff?

Trevor was headed off to BYU soon. He kept telling me that he would make the 1 1/2 hr drive (each way) often to see me and I knew he would... in the beginning... but I also knew that the ratio at BYU was 2 girls to every 1 guy and I had heard that 90% of those girls were "barracuda women". I was certain that all those girls would hypnotise Trev with their beauty and freshly baked cookies and that would be the end of it. Long distance relationships just don't work out.

Chapter 4: fireworks

So, it turns out I was wrong... there's a first time for everything people.
Trevor wasn't a player.

After the second date there was a third and a fourth date and at the end of each date we were trying to come up with reasons to see each other again. I couldn't figure out why such a great guy liked me so much, so quickly, but he did... and I liked him... a lot.

I had one problem though. I was going to marry "my missionary" remember?
Well, believe it or not this was still my plan even though I really liked Trevor. I had cared about this missionary guy for a really long time and all signs pointed to us getting married. Now I just had to break it to Trevor. This is where the story gets uncomfortable.

We had just gone on our fourth date (fireworks at Weber state) and it was another amazing night. On the way home we were talking and Trevor started telling me how much he cared about me then he said, "oh yeah, but isn't your missionary coming home next month?" I froze, how did he know? He started laughing and I realized he was just kidding. He didn't know... but when he saw my expression he stopped laughing and I said, "actually he will be home in 2 months."
Silence in the car... very awkward silence.
He finally said, "So you are telling me that you are waiting for a missionary?"
"ummmm" I knew I had to be honest so I explained as best I could the situation... I had a long history with this guy and had been writing him throughout his mission. He would be home very soon...
I felt sick inside. I knew that Trevor was hurt.
We talked about it the whole way home...
The conversation was heavy...
It was a long drive home.
When it was time to say good-bye Trevor hugged me tight for a long time and then out of no where he kissed me. Not a normal "first kiss" kind of kiss, more like a "I'm staking my claim" kind of kiss.
Then he hugged me again and whispered, "just give US a chance."
Still stunned by the kiss I managed an "okay".